WHEN GOODBYES AREN’T GOOD: EASING THE TRANSITION OF PRESCHOOL DROP-OFF

WHEN GOODBYES AREN’T GOOD: EASING THE TRANSITION OF PRESCHOOL DROP-OFF

By Lisa Hassell

Visit any preschool in America at drop-off time and you are likely to see someone so excited she barely casts a glance back, another person standing nervously in the doorway, and still another crying, screaming, and begging not to be separated from his precious loved one. And those are just the parents!

If you are nervous about an upcoming first day of preschool or your child is currently struggling with your leaving him each day, the following tips may make for a smoother transition for all.

FEAR IS CONTAGIOUS

If you are anxious or have doubts about the situation, your child will pick up on those concerns. It is important for you to help your child view preschool as something fun and exciting, not something to fear or dread. Keep your attitude positive and tell your child that she is going to have fun and do many new, big-girl things. Tell her you are proud of her. Remind her of any fun experiences she’s had at school or in a childcare setting in the past. Point out something specific that is familiar to her or that she will do there. “Look! There are some blocks just like the ones you have at home. Maybe you can show your teacher how you can build a really tall tower!”

(BRIEFLY) ACKNOWLEDGE THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

If your child is truly worried, quickly acknowledge your child’s concerns with a matter-of-fact attitude so as not to undermine his feelings, but then move on. Say something like, “I know you are scared. Sometimes I’m scared, too. It’s ok to be a little afraid, but you will be so proud of yourself when you go to school all by yourself and learn so many new things!” Keep it simple. Don’t ignore his fears but don’t dwell on them either.

STOP, DROP, AND GO

Dropping a child off at preschool is like ripping off a bandage. It might be painful briefly, but it’s over quickly and everyone can move on happily. Parents who linger can actually make the final goodbye more painful and difficult for everyone involved. As hard as it might be, even if your child is screaming, kiss him, tell him you’ll be back soon, and walk away. Then leave. Most children calm down and engross themselves in an activity within minutes. To ease your own worries, plan to call the school fifteen minutes later to check on your child is doing or ask the teacher to call if he is still upset after a certain amount of time. But don’t tell your child about this plan! You don’t want him intentionally using that arrangement as a way to get you to come back.

A FEW NO-NOs

• DON’T take your child back outside the classroom once he’s inside. This makes the process take even longer, raises anxiety, and makes him less willing to go back inside.
• DON’T reinforce the dramatic departure behavior by promising rewards or treats if she stays at school.
• DON’T ask her if she will stay at school. If she’s upset her answer will be “no.” Think about it – in that exact moment, is the decision to stay really up to her?
• DON’T sneak away when your child is distracted. Although that tactic works well for infants, preschoolers may feel abandoned when they realize their parents are gone and be less likely to turn away from them the next time, always wondering when they’re just going to disappear. Although it should be brief, always give your child a loving, reassuring goodbye.
• Establish a special drop-off routine. Maybe you and your child will use a fun type of kiss, such as a butterfly kiss, only at this time. Maybe you will create a special handshake together to be used at drop-off time or choose not to say “goodbye,” but rather “see you later, alligator.” Perhaps you’ll give him a special note for his teacher to read to him after you’re gone or a comfort item such as a teddy bear to hold during the transition.

“GOOD”BYES ARE GOOD FOR KIDS

Although sometimes we parents don’t want to accept this fact, the truth is that our biggest job as parents is to raise our children to become independent, self-sufficient, adaptable adults. That end result doesn’t happen overnight. It comes gradually, beginning in early childhood. Enrolling your child in a preschool program can be one of the most helpful things you can do for his move toward independence. There may be some tears shed at first, but remember that you are teaching your child some valuable lessons beyond just academics: Sometimes we have to do things that are scary or intimidating. Sometimes things don’t go exactly as we want them to go. Sometimes we have to be apart from people we love. We can trust our parents. We have to follow rules set forth by adults other than our parents. We have to work together with our peers, both to form friendships and solve problems.

Those lessons won’t just help our children during preschool. They are lessons to last a lifetime. Now…go give your child the opportunity to learn those lessons while you take some time for yourself!

Lisa Hassell is a stay-at-home mom to a 2-year-old in Indian Trail, NC. She writes for StayNPlay and also has a parenting blog at www.tottalks.wordpress.com.